Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2007 10:55:13 GMT -5
1) "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
passengers in his car." --Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you
get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take
two aspirin" and "Keep away from children." --Author Unknown
3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a
support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet
at the bar." --Drew Carey
4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not
a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it,
have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at
the wrong house." --Jeff Foxworthy
5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly b all and
saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's
life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry
6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and
we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend
wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.
There should be severance pay, and the day before they leave
you, they should have to find you a temp." --Bob Ettinger
7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim'."
--Paula Poundstone
8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
auth ors of that study: "Duh." --Conan O'Brien
9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm half-
way through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I
could be eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery
10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people
in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the
poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
