Post by Preacher Mike on Aug 26, 2007 16:34:45 GMT -5
Definition of an Irish husband:
> He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
> -------------------------------------------------------------
>M. Hynes told C.Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?
> "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
> Answer - So the English can understand them.
> -------------------------------------------------------------
>F. Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
> "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> Irish lass customer Anne M..: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
> Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> Mrs. Flynn shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?"
> "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
> A. A bachelor.
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> Flynn: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.
> Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
> Flynn: Waitin' for me to come home.
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> J. Boyle phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
> "Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
> "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> "O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?"
> "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?
> He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
> -------------------------------------------------------------
>M. Hynes told C.Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?
> "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
> Answer - So the English can understand them.
> -------------------------------------------------------------
>F. Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
> "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> Irish lass customer Anne M..: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
> Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> Mrs. Flynn shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?"
> "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
> A. A bachelor.
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> Flynn: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.
> Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
> Flynn: Waitin' for me to come home.
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> J. Boyle phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
> "Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
> "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> "O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?"
> "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?
